Game Of Thrones Finally Delivers This Season, And In A Major Way - Season 5 Episode 8 "Hardhome" Recap

I’m not going to sugar coat it, Game of Thrones has been pretty terrible this season. Fanboys and fangirls will tell you its awesome because Game of Thrones can do literally anything and there are a contingency of people who will love it and say its incredible. Personally, I’ve found season 5 painfully boring. It was like 7 straight weeks of watching Arya sweep floors, Jorah and Tyrion row a boat, Jamie and Bronn walking to Dorne, and Ramsay Bolton just being such a fucking dick every Sunday. Thrones always builds but the first 7 episodes were just filler for me. Especially coming off Season 4 which had the Purple Wedding, Tyrion’s trial, Trial By Combat, Arya and the Hound, Little Finger wheeling and dealing, Twyin on the Toilet, the Battle at the Wall, the list goes on. The number of major occurrences and unforgettable episodes in Season 4 compared to this season so far was like night and day.

And then…then last night happened. Hardhome. Where Thrones did an extra long version of Chekov’s Gun that states “If you introduce an undead snow zombie in season 1, 4 years later something must go down with that zombie in season 5.” After being teased with White Walkers for 5 seasons, they have finally arrived in a major way:

The Army of the Dead descending upon Hardhome was hands down when of the best scenes/sequences of the series. Right up there with Blackwater and the Battle at the Wall last season, Thrones proved once again that they are the absolute best in the game when it comes to shooting these moments. Building from Jon Snow and Tormund pleading with the Wildings all the way through that cocky motherfucker raising the dead, Hardhome was perfect. You quickly fell in love with the German chick from Pitch Perfect:

Only to immediately watch her get devoured by zombie babies. That big ass Giant who is instantly everyone’s favorite character stomping on dudes, tossing skeletons off his body. Tormund, straight from the set of his new Wyndham Rewards commercials, straight fucking up the Lord of Bones and then leading the Wildings with Jon Snow. The army of the death launching themselves over the cliffs descending upon the Wildings and Crows. And of course our boy Jon, just doing Jon Snow things. Disintegrating that long haired White Walker we’ve seen moseying around on his horse for like 5 seasons. The look on his face when Jon Snow’s Valyrian steel held up against his White Walker spear was priceless. (Note: for all you non-super nerds out there, dragonglass daggers and Valyrian steel can kill White Walkers. I got an earful from the Game of Thrones Twitter Police for not knowing that last night.) And then the highlight of the episode – as Jon Snow and his boat took about 45 minutes to get 15 feet off shore where if any White Walker at all had a bow and arrow, the Jon Snow storyline would have come to an end real real quick – the HNIC White Walker raises the Army of the Dead and gives the Maximus “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??” as he basically doubles the size of his Army raising all the undead into White Walkers. Kind of like “Yea you’re on your boat right now but me and the other 4 horseman of the apocalypse

Are pretty much here to consume all life in the 7 kingdoms. You’ll be hearing from us soon!”

And so now doesnt every other storyline seem a little trivial? Like everyone should stop worrying about whats going on in their neck of the woods and start worrying about the fact that a giant wall of Snow Death is about to consume the world. Hey Cersei just fucking confess to that old sparrow dude who hates gays because guess what? Winter is Coming. Jamie and Bronn up to some tricks in Dorne or whatever? Guys nobody cares about Dorne anymore, Winter is Coming. Sansa I know your husband succccks but trust me things could actually be worse. Winter is coming. Oh and, Arya nobody cares about “a girl’s oysters” because WINTER IS FUCKING COMING. Its like Jon Snow is the only dude out there being like “You know what, we should probably start to worry about the unstoppable army of death.”

Which leads us to the only other 2 characters that matter right now after the arrival of the White Walkers, Khaleesi and Tyrion. Any other episode, the meeting of the minds of Dany and Half Man steals the show. Their back and forth banter as they realize they’re not so different was fucking awesome. And so as you see Dany and Dinklage join forces and Jon Snow become the resistance against the Walkers, it feels like a lot of the fan theories about the Jon Snow/Tyrion Lannister/Danearayayreyes Targayraraean might actually be coming to fruition. That would be a Triple Threat that would make most Thrones fans cum in their pants. Three unexpectedly connected relatives riding on dragons to take the Iron Throne and stop the Army of the Dead and all that other shit that needs to go down in the 7 Kingdoms. Sign me up for THAT right away, Double RR. You fat furry little slow writing genius.

PS – “We’re gonna need a lot more Dragon Glass” is like the Thrones version of “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”