What's Been The Patriots Key To Success? They Give Their Opponents Warm Gatorade

Fuck. I’ve defended the Patriots time and time again as these hit pieces continue to flow (this particular SI one is co-written by Michael Rosenberg. The guy who wrote this exact article a few months ago and mentioned how Belichick uses the CBS Scene jumbotron to get a quicker read on challenge plays. Sure, that proved to be total bullshit but don’t worry, he dug and found some more cheating and these ones are legit). But, I don’t know how I can defend this. Belichick gives opposing teams warm Gatorade?! He doesn’t put enough ice in there to make sure it’s exactly to their liking? Do you even give them good flavors, like red or yellow, or do you hit them with the the gross stuff like grape and limon pepino? Come on, Bill, don’t be a monster. What are you going to tell me next, that there aren’t orange slices at halftime and you don’t take the guys out for ice cream post game? Have some decency. There’s gamesmanship and then there’s flat-out unethical behavior, this is the latter. Warm Gatorade is disgusting. It can’t cure a hangover let alone fuel a professional athlete. The only thing more barbaric than giving an opposing team warm Gatorade would be to give them All Sport and watch their stomachs explode at midfield like a bunch of seagulls that just ate an Alka Seltzer.

PS – Loved this too. “Everyone looks, but no one ever finds everything.” So the Patriot spies are Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster. Lunatics swear they’re real, they just can’t find them.