I Mustache You A Question

Large6/20/2018 11:41 AM

Housekeeping notes: First off, I start vacation tomorrow, and since I will be out of pocket for a few days, I have been trying to preemptively upload pics from my mobile device for the last couple pieces of content I have published. Apparently that venture has failed miserably on some platforms, furthering the belief that I am so old that I am almost Amish… Will try to work out the kinks today. Apologies.

Secondly, I am doing Mike&Murdog from 9-10AM, if you can get to a radio.

I realize it is before 8AM, but here’s some content for people with real jobs, I suppose…

Was at a Barnes & Noble Monday night trying to spend a relatively useless gift certificate I received as a Father’s Day gift from some tertiary relative who does not have access to the internet. As I was perusing the magazine rack, I spied a magazine waaaay in the back of the top shelf called “HAIRY MEN”.

Out of sheer curiosity, I lifted the issue out of the slot ever so slightly to see if the mag was simply about what its title described, and the first thing I saw was a shirtless, hairy gentleman with a thick mustache standing over the tag-line Hot, Hirsute & Hung.

Not alot of gray area there.

I dropped the mag back into its slot immediately, in fear of having any passersby question my raw and untamed heterosexuality. But now I regret not checking to see if it was a semi-annual publication, or if the people behind the publication had enough salient material to make it a monthly.

I actually found a picture of the mag under my pillow… Err… I mean, on the internet…

I have mixed emotions and a painful erection over the existence of such a magazine, but none of my emotions border on the homophobic.

I toiled over the idea of working here at Barstool because I couldn’t decide whether writing was a sensible career choice. But then I see that there is a probably at least one or two people getting wealthy off of a periodical called “HAIRY MEN”, and my confidence has been restored.

And I only assume that they are getting wealthy because the whole endeavor of publishing a magazine doesn’t really strike me as a “labor of love”. Plus, I don’t think a chain like Barnes & Noble carries specific magazines unless they have some semblance of a following.

Who knew the personification of the American Dream was a couple of Canadian “buddies” who got together and said, “It’s selfish for us to keep our love of hairy men to ourselves. So let’s catalog the thousands of pictures we have spread out all over our bathroom floors, and put them into a periodical for men and women who, like us, watch Magnum PI with the sound off.”

And let’s just assume these 2 men were named Bruce and Steve. Well, I bet Bruce and Steve had friends and relatives that told them they were crazy to even try such a venture. Probably urged them to abandon their dreams of a “HAIRY MEN” magazine, and just concentrate on their pet grooming business.

But did Bruce and Steve heed such negative advice?… Fuck no, they did not.

Instead they blew each other, took a nap in the “spoon” position (Bruce being the spoon, and Steve being the soup), and then went on to build a product that can now be bought at the Chelsea location of Barnes & Noble for the low price of $9.99.

So the next time you are in a bookstore, and see a magazine similar to “HAIRY MEN”, don’t just look at it as a deviant stroke-vehicle for Italian women and homosexuals. Instead view it for what it really is… The personification of the American Dream.