NE Philly Residents Up In Arms Over Fat Guy Driving Pantsless Asking Ladies To Violate Him With Swiss Cheese

MAYFAIR – The Mayfair Town Watch reported yesterday on its Facebook page that the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” has been terrorizing neighborhood women. According to the group, the suspect, a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s, approaches women while driving a silver or black sedan with his genitals exposed. He then displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it. “I understand that people may think this is funny, but this is no laughing matter,” said Milt Martelack, the town watch’s senior adviser. A police source yesterday confirmed that the Special Victims Unit is investigating the man after several women from the Mayfair area filed reports describing similar encounters with a man displaying what the source called a “major sexual cheese fetish.”

Guess Rob Ford needs a little more than the usual crack and hookers to get his rocks off on this side of the border. Dude’s clearly out of his element and is a menace to society, but you kind of have to respect his gusto. If you’re batshit and Costanza enough to develop a Swiss Cheese fetish, the shock factor is probably the best way to go and get results. Can’t exactly spell out what you want in the eHarmoney, or in this guys case, Diapermates profile bio and expect positive feedback. Even so he’s still possibly the classiest guy in NE Philly at any given time.

Plus who eats Swiss Cheese anymore? Dude would have more luck going with Provolone or Moz with those balls.

PS – A+ effort for the photographer. Not that easy keeping the camera steady when some random fat dude is asking you to put cheese on his dick and go to town. Anzel Adams would be impressed.