A New York Doctor Is Offering Free Therapy Sessions For Mets Fans Because The Team Is Such A Fucking Disaster
(Source)- Today, UMA Health CEO Dave Kerpen announced that the company will be offering free therapy sessions with licensed mental health providers for any self-identified New York Mets fans. For a limited time, struggling Mets fans can redeem their free therapy session at FreeTherapyforMetsFans.com.
Said UMA CEO Kerpen, “As a life long die-hard Mets fan, I have struggled for decades with loving this team and watching while the organization makes mistake after mistake, further embarrassing the team’s fans and the great city of New York. I may not have any power to improve the team, but at least now I can improve the stress and anxiety levels a bit for fellow Mets fans.”
Mets fans can redeem their free confidential therapy session, valued at up to $200, by going to FreeTherapyForMetsFans.com and entering their name, email address and most difficult moment as a fan. Each Mets fan who submits their email address will get a unique promotional code good for a free therapy session.
Meet the Mets, meet the Mets, step right up and…help yourself! That’s right, the misfortune in Flushing has actually reached a point where Mets therapy is not just KFC and I crying/yelling into a microphone every few weeks, but an actual reality.
And not only that, but this doctor is offering FREE therapy. Nothing in America, let alone American healthcare, is truly free. But the people that check their watches to make sure that every bankable second is on the books are rendering their services pro bono to help the millions of sad sacks of shit suffering from the mental anguish the Mets have inflicted on them (yours truly included in said sad sacks of shit). That’s how much the Wilpons have fucked with the psyche of Mets fans. If this doctor gets absolutely flooded with patients because of how many people the Mets have hurt and can’t possibly see them all for free, he should forward the bill for Rob Manfred and Major League Baseball for being complete cowards and allowing the Wilpons to run a team in New York like this for years and years.
The Mets are such a nightmare that I forgot that being a baseball fan is supposed to be FUN and an escape from the shitty reality that is life. Instead I just sit around and wait during the latest bukkake of losses to rain down and see how they will somehow make the previous rock bottom seem like a beautiful day in the park. And I’m the optimistic Mets fan on this site. KFC’s heart continues to reach black levels not even the best HDTV could pick up thanks to the Mets and I’m pretty sure we’ve lost Frank The Tank for good.
Anyway, check out the link above if you want to get help. You don’t even have to be a Mets fan either. Just use the shitty team in Queens as an excuse to get some free help for a real problem that isn’t always easy to ask for.
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h/t Dan and Brett