Kennedys 101
Morning.
Starting hour 2 of Barstool Breakfast right now. Flying solo today, but not really because Pat and Za have filled in nicely. On top of that, we have Rear Admiral on the phone, Donnie on deck to talk curried goat brains, and Francis on the way in to shoot the shit.
This isn’t going to be a lighthearted or goofy blog this morning. And I don’t think they’ll be an opportunity to splash pics of scantily clad broads in either. Instead, it’s going to read more like a textbook for some, and I guess its raison d’être will be more to inform than entertain.
The reason I am writing it is I really hate the Kennedy family, and I am almost embarrassed that I didn’t know a disturbing story about one of Joe and Rose’s lesser known kids. As a result, I am going to tell the story to the dozen or so who haven’t clicked off this blog after reading the word “textbook.”
The Kennedys were at one point considered “American royalty”… A title that has since been transferred to the Kardashians, I suppose. I think most of the younger generation have a passing knowledge of JFK that culminates in his head going back and to the left… Back and to the left… Back and to the left.
The 2018 movie Chappaquiddick did a good job of bringing back to light just how much of a scumbag Ted Kennedy was, but as I alluded to above, I don’t think the average Joe really knows enough about these assholes. Therefore I am gonna give you just a little bit of knowledge on a Friday morning that you can take to your BBQ’s this weekend. It just might come in handy as a transition from all this talk of campaign funds being funneled to and over-the-hill porn star.
There is no conspiracy here. This isn’t a job for Coley Mick to expertly explore on a Sunday afternoon. It’s just a recap of historical facts.
I’ll start with the parents.
Joseph P Kennedy was an Irish-American millionaire and politician who had been born into a New England political family and made his fortune in films, whisky and steel… Which sounds like the best fucking way to make millions, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t be in a rush to tell his life story if it was “Joseph P Kennedy was an Irish-American millionaire and telemarketer, who had been born into a New Jersey hair salon family and made his fortune in artisanal honey, feather boas, and anal lube.”
Joe and Rose Elizabeth Fitzgerald married in 1914 and had nine children. Four of those kids met untimely deaths, and here’s a quick timeline of that…
August 12, 1944 – Joseph Kennedy Jr, the elder brother of JFK, is killed when his bomber aircraft explodes over Suffolk during the Second World War.
May 13 1948 – Kathleen Cavendish, JFK’s sister and the wife of Marquess of Hartington, dies in a plane crash in France.
November 22, 1963 – President John F Kennedy is assassinated as he rides in an open convertible through Dallas, Texas. His killer, Lee Harvey Oswald, is gunned down at a police station two days later, sparking widespread conspiracies about the President’s death.
June 6, 1968 – Robert Kennedy, JFK’s younger brother and his attorney general, is assassinated after winning the California Democratic primary. The gunman, Sirhan Sirhan, remains in a prison in California.
Teddy Kennedy would’ve also made this untimely-death-timeline, but he was able to propel his bloated drunken body to safety by pushing off of a drowning Mary Jo Kopechne in 1969.
The other 4 kids that I have yet to highlight were all girls: Eunice Shriver (mother of Maria Shriver), Jean Smith, Patricia Lawford (wife of Rat Packer, Peter Lawford), and the oldest of the Kennedy sisters- Rosemary Kennedy. Rosemary is going to be the subject of this blog going forward.
Rosemary Kennedy, was born mentally disabled because during her birth, the doctor was not immediately available and the attending nurse ordered the mother (Rose Kennedy) to keep her legs closed. This forced the baby’s head to stay in the birth canal for over two hours. When Rose felt she was unable to clench her legs sufficiently, said nurse reached up into her birth canal, and held the baby in place.
She looked like the rest of the Kennedys, with bright eyes and the iconic dark hair I also once had, but her asshole parents knew she was different. The lack of oxygen in utero caused by the nurse’s fisting was to blame for the mental deficiency that Rosemary began to exhibit right away.
As she reached childhood, her erratic behavior frustrated the Kennedys, who expected all of their children to behave appropriately. Her father was especially worried that his daughter’s behavior would shame and embarrass the family and possibly damage his political career.
Her disabilities were often hidden or disguised to avoid the stigma of being associated with ‘defective genes’, and despite her attendance at more than a dozen special schools in the US and Britain, Rosemary struggled with reading and writing well into adulthood.
After moving his family back from England, Joe had Rosemary shut up in a convent when she was in her early 20’s. There she grew defiant of the many restrictions, and the nuns could not control her. Many nights, the school would call to say she was missing, only to find her out walking around the streets at 2AM. She was sneaking out frequently to meet men in taverns… Men who were happy to give her attention, comfort, and sex.
Her erratic behaviour led Joseph to begin investigating surgical ‘solutions’ and, in November 1941, he (without consulting his wife) authorized two surgeons to perform a lobotomy on Rosemary. She was just 23 years old.
I will type that again- Joe did this without consulting his wife.
Think about that.
For all the dads out there, just think about how pissy your wife would be if you got your son a crew cut without asking for her opinion/permission first. Joe Kennedy had his eldest daughter lobotomized, and didn’t tell a soul he was doing it.
Rosemary was admitted to George Washington University Hospital, where she was strapped to a table and given an anesthetic to numb the areas of her skull where questionable surgeons would drill two small holes. They then inserted a small metal spatula and sliced the connections between her pre-frontal cortex and the rest of her brain. One of the surgeons, Dr Freeman, often used ice picks for this procedure, hammering the pick in through the eye socket, but I guess they decided to go a more civilized route with a Kennedy. Rosemary was wide awake the whole time. The doctors had her recite poems as they cut. When she finally fell silent, they knew the procedure was complete.
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Unsurprisingly, the surgery was botched and Rosemary was no longer able to walk or talk. It took months of therapy before she regained the ability to move on her own, recouping only the partial use of one arm and one of her legs was permanently turned inward. Months after the surgery, when she regained her ability to speak, it was a mix of garbled sounds and words.
To make matters worse, Joe Kennedy sent his daughter off to a psychiatric care facility and FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS, Rosemary was hidden from her family.
In 1961, Joe Sr. suffered a much deserved stroke, and in early 1962, Rose finally saw her daughter again. One of the primary caretakers at the facility recalls that Rosemary attacked her mother during their first meeting after the lobotomy and subsequent 20 year abandonment… That thought makes me smile. Rosemary was totally incapacitated, but still tried to muster up enough coordination and strength to kick her worthless mother’s ass during their 20 year reunion.
After Joe finally died, the rest of the Kennedy clan tried to resuscitate relationships with their sister, and Rosemary eventually passed away in 2005 at the age of 86… The first of the 9 Kennedy children to die from natural causes.
Well, that’s it. You now know the story of what some people call “The Forgotten Kennedy,” but she really wasn’t “forgotten.” She was surgically enfeebled and then abandoned, and that was done at the hands of the man who created the Kennedy mythos… A narrative that isn’t worth the paper it is written on, as far as I’m concerned.
Maybe I will deep dive a little into Joe Kennedy at a later date, because he had a mistress, was a forefather of insider trading, a legendary anti-semite, and an all around evil cocksucker. But for now I just hope he is hanging upside down somewhere in hell, sucking on the devil’s dick.
Happy Friday, everyone.
RIP, Rosemary Kennedy.
Fuck you, Joe.
Take a report.
-Large