With Smitty Retiring From Feuding With Nate, I Would Officially Like To Announce That The Podfathers Are Feuding With Fore Play
As I’m sure many of you have heard/read, Smitty is officially #done feuding with Nate. While I am happy for Smitty since the phrase “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” is the wisest fake Buddha quotes I have ever heard, I am also a little sad. One, that rivalry is about as pure and hilarious as anything else on the internet. I never knew I could get so much enjoyment from watching two bloggers quarrel over work ethic on blogs and Periscopes. But anybody that say they have not enjoyed Smitty vs. Nate becoming Barstool’s longest running and spiciest feud is lying to you.
The other reason I am sad is that this feud brings in pageviews. Each blog filled with slander and name-calling is good for business. I bet after this latest flurry, Dave will be able to buy a horse and name it NateVsSmitty. But if Smitty is either retiring and killing the feud or just allowing Nate to trash him without a rebuttal is a sad day for Barstool, both on the 3rd floor and the 2nd. Nobody wants to watch a fighter shadowbox himself or a blogger shadowfeud himself. That would be like watching Shep from Above The Rim play basketball by himself.
Actually let me correct that. Portnoy will take every ounce of blogger grudging that he can get.
However as fate would have it, it appears that a new Barstool feud may have risen from the ashes of Smitty vs. Nate. You see today the Foreplay boys decided to trash Moana. I may personally like Riggs and Trent, but I will not allow anybody to trash one of Disney’s greatest movies and heroes on their podcast. This isn’t Kevin Durant trashing CJ McCollum for having bare ring fingers. Moana showed way too much bravery, intuition, and plain old gangsta to let a couple of bloggers disparage her good name. The amount of times that movie shut my kid up also has me stanning for Big M and ready to Defend The Wall for her. I mean Moana took on the Kakamora, Tamatoa, and Te Ka to help her village. She took on and stared down a MOTHERFUCKING LAVA MONSTER to help her people. We should be embracing debate about Moana potentially being the GOAT Disney character instead of disparaging her.
So I am officially twisting my key as a host on Podfathers and declaring war on Fore Play. Not only that, I rebuke Fore Play in the name of the Lord for speaking ill of Moana and challenge Riggs, Trent, and their unofficial third member Frankie Borrelli to a Triple Threat match at Rough N Rowdy 5 against me, Chaps, and our unofficial third member Large. The weight classes have obviously been thrown wayyyy out of the window.
Your move, golf nerds.
P.S. I haven’t asked Chaps or Large if this is okay. But I imagine Chaps will be proud to defend Moana’s honor as a Marine as well as diehard Moana fan while Large is from Brooklyn where I’m pretty sure you have to throw hands if you friend asks you to and just looks like a guy that will drop the gloves and blow off some steam from years of working in the financial field by beating the fuck out of someone. And even though Dave would be skittish to allow Frankie inside the squared circles against three dads full of the frustration that kids bring, I’m sure the GIF of Large picking his teeth with the three corpses of his ex-employees would be great for future Rough N Rowdy promotion.
P.P.S. Tiger Woods was, is, and always will be a cheating, cheap slimeball