Someone Fucked Up After The Coast Guard Found A Million Dollars Worth Of Weed Floating In The Ocean Near Catalina Island

Patch- About 1,300 pounds of baled marijuana were recovered by the U.S. Coast Guard off Catalina Island, authorities said Wednesday. Someone on Tuesday spotted bales of what he or she believed were narcotics floating in the water and Coast Guard and county lifeguard crews arrived on boats to find 43 bales of marijuana, worth an estimated $1 million, which they recovered.

Cuncel da Catalina Wine Mixer! I know an event that always fucking delivers thanks to tremendous wine, an electric 80s Billy Joel cover band, and the finest helicopter rentals money can buy shouldn’t need any hippie lettuce to thrive. But you cannot tell me that a bunch of rich Californian aren’t smoking some of of the finest Chronic in the entire country during what many consider to be the best day of their year.

Well at least that would usually be the case, because it looks like we have a real shot for the worst Catalina Wine Mixer in history after someone either forget to lock whatever the trunk of a boat is called or they dumped their green faster than Han Solo allegedly did Jabba’s spices at the first sign of getting pinched. Good luck not getting Instagram-bombed by a bunch of rich and famous influencers that showed up to an island expecting a bunch of the shit Snoop smokes for free and instead being forced to drink alcohol in order to loosen their inhibitions. This has all the makings of Fyre Fest 2019 except there will be no FEMA tents and the cheese sandwiches will be made from cheeses so good, the only Barstool employees who have ever tasted them will be Large and Portnoy (with Large being the only Barstool employee that can pronounce them correctly).

Orrrrrr maybe just maybe those 43 bales of weed, which is a preposterous amount of weed by the way, were 43 bales of shit weed dumped to throw the Coast Guard off the scent with $1 million being ashtray money for the Catalina Wine Mixer party planning committee. Meanwhile the good stuff made it to the island untouched by the grubby hands of Johnny Law, thus ensuring another Catalina Wine Mixer instant classic.

Now lets all ignore I just wrote a full blog tying a real news story to a fictional event from a fictional movie (even though there is now a real Catalina Wine Mixer) since it’s the dog days of August in the smut/sports blog game and watch the best parts of Step Brothers because who the hell doesn’t love Step Brothers, right?