Diego The Giant Tortoise, aka "Slow & Steady", FUCKS!!

Hard Factor Wes1/13/2020 3:45 PM

This one tortoise, Diego, is responsible for saving an entire species on the island of Espanola, which is part of the Galapagos Islands.

Source CNN Travel

"Slow & Steady, Fellas"

That is one tired tortoise!! You would be too if you were responsible for literally fucking your species out of extinction, and that's exactly what Diego the tortoise, aka "The Legend", aka "Slow & Steady", aka "The Shell Splitter", aka "Cold Blooded", aka "The Galapagos Machine", I could go on forever, but that's exactly what he did!!

According to CNN, the Giant Tortoise population on the island of Espanola, which is part of The Galapagos, had reached dangerously low levels, so low that Diego was one of only 2 males left on the island of 14 giant tortoises, so the species was practically extinct there.

That's when biologists saw the gleam in Diego's eye, knew he was ready to go to work. and flew ol' "Slow & Steady" to the San Diego Zoo (no relation), gifting him with the task of splitting as much shell as he possibly could, all in a last ditch effort to re-populate the island, and holy shit did "The Galapagos Machine" produce results.

Thanks to Diego's willingness to do a great job at sex, Espanola now has over 2000 tortoises, with over 40 percent coming straight from "The Legend" and his cold blooded dick. Those numbers are simply incredible, especially since Diego is ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD and was one of 15 tortoises in the breeding program. He put the other boys to shame. He puts us all to shame.

Now, Diego and his legendary and utterly disgusting dick are headed back to his old stomping grounds, so that Diego can sit on his throne as King of Espanola, and admire his hard work as far as the eye can see.

Well done, Diego, and Congrats on the Sex, we salute you!!

Now, enjoy the beautiful sounds of nature.