How Do I Tell My Roommate To Put Some Headphones In When He's Jerking Off?

I've wrote about how crazy my roommate that I met on an app is not too long ago. Well, he's been up to more shenanigans. It appears that if he's not trying to burn the apartment down, he's peacefully trying to get a nut off. And by peacefully, I mean having no disregard to how fucking loud the volume of his porn is!!

It's pretty easy to hear this considering how small our apartment is. Our bedrooms are next door, and his room from from the living room is about 10 feet apart. I'll be eating my PB&J's and Cheese Nips watching Youtube at night and all of a sudden hear the Meat Machine fire up and go to work! Thankfully you can't hear the machine operate, but you can hear his phone or whatever surround sound system loud and clear.

There's nothing wrong with jacking off in your bedroom! Doesn't everyone do that? But dude, how do you not know how loud your shit is?? He's not a loser at all, he pulls! In fact, he had a girl over last weekend (thank God I was in Chicago). If hearing his porn feels like you're at an IMAX theatre, I can't imagine what it would feel like hearing those 2 squirrels go after it. At least I always have my airpods in when I'm doing my business! Even when I'm home alone (that's a lie). 

I've gotten a couple of suggestions on how to bring this up to him. I can either show him who the bigger man is,

or we can start bonding a little more. 

Or I can write this blog and send him the link when he's drunk. I think I'll go with option 3. Hopefully this works.