Half Of Our Readers Don't Know Who Larry Allen Is And That Is A Travesty Because He Was A Freak Who Benched 700lbs

On Mondays we are doing Snake Drafts on The Dogwalk Pod. These drafts, and the internet as a whole, have been rather unkind to me. Often times I know it's coming. I know my selections aren't very "common" man. I refuse to be dishonest and pander like many of the other people in the Barstool Chicago office or our guests. I am staying true to myself and genuine with the audience when I take burrata salad or Purely Elizabeth or whatever else I happen to get ROASTED for on a weekly basis. This week though, I had a great draft. I have the toughest hockey player whoever lived and the scariest NFL lineman of all time. And yet...I was left off of the poll. Meaning that people think I had the worst draft despite having the top two selections

quick side note: I love Allison Brie

The only logical explanation is that a HUGE segment of the population don't know who Larry Allen is. Young pups who didn't watch the 90s Cowboys and think Emmitt Smith ended up as the all-time leading rusher by himself. Or people who simply do not appreciate the big men. Or both. 

I am not pointing fingers or trying to shame people. That is not my style. This is a safe space. A place for learning. So gather 'round, internet folks. It's time to learn about the absolute FREAK of nature that was Larry Allen. 

The natural place to start is with the title of this blog. Larry Allen once bench pressed 700 POUNDS. That's like two Larry Allens

Advertisement

Casual warm-up reps at 635lbs. So much weight that the man needed three spotters. I can't believe that the bar itself didn't snap in half from the weight on either side. He's a real life Mountain from Game Of Thrones. 

Maxing out at 705lbs is incredible. Here is what he did with the standard combine bench press weight of 225lbs

FORTY-THREE REPS at a bullshit NFL strongest man off-season made for tv bullshit event. He didn't even get tired. He just got bored. The record for bench press at 225lbs at the combine is 51. That is an event that guys train MONTHS for. Larry Allen did 43 reps as casually as you and I pick up our fast food orders. And that was in 2006. That was Larry Allen at 35 years old. Larry Allen at 25 would probably throw 225lbs 70 yards like it was a javelin.  

Unimpressed by raw brute strength? Fine. Here is Larry Allen preventing a pick 6 by chasing down a linebacker

That speed, that mass, that strength…my god. There's the expression "I could run through a brick wall". Well I think Larry Allen might be the only person on planet Earth who could actually do that. 

He was so strong and so dominant that he would walk up to the line and give a train whistle noise to the d-line letting them know that he's coming through and Emmitt Smith was going to be right on his caboose and there wasn't shit they could do about it

Advertisement

Larry Allen is a Hall of Famer and if you're drafting one guard ever in history to build a line around, you are probably going to take him. The most athletic, strongest, and dominant guard ever. A guy who could smash your head in his hand like it was a grape. Seeing him in the open field must have been fucking TERRIFYING. 

Please watch this video and then I will accept your apology for not responding to the graphic and poll by saying that my squad was the best squad on the strength of Allen and Probert.