Is Squirting Real? Barstool Investigates
Chaps already blogged about this Tweet, but 1. I didn't see he was working on the same topic as I was and I am a notorious double blogger anyways and 2. I'm in a major brain block/blog drought and need this so I'm gonna charge ahead and 3. they brought this Tweet up on the Yak today which led me to wonder:
Well is it????? I have the parts and I don't even know.
(Warning: If you think I'm gross don't read any further.)
The closest I think I ever got to squirting was when I tried m*st*rb*t*ng (masturbating) after I first started on Zoloft, and I was getting soooooo damn close but couldn't c*m (cum) & I didn't know it was the Zoloft yet (only nerds research the medicines they take, amiright, guys?? eh??), so I was like,
because until then I never had a problem. So I kept kicking it up a notch foolishly thinking I'd be able to get there. By the end I was basically Eddie Van Halen playing Eruption at 50x speed.
My brain had alert sirens going off warning me that my organs were about to shut down in order to send all my body's energy to my right hand & cltr*is (clitoris). That meant my bladder was no longer able to hold back & I felt like all of this had to be building up to something crazy and I just knew that one more stroke of that dusty 'ol Gibson (clitoris) was going to send an Old Faithful geyser of piss blasting across the room.
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But….
nope….
Nothing.
I was SHOCKED.
Defeated, frustrated, and extremely sweaty, I finally gave up. My crotch felt like Antonio Margarito after that 2010 fight with Manny Pacquiao.
Nick Laham. Getty Images.A lone tumble-weed blew quietly across my lap. I sat in frustrated silence wondering what was wrong with me.
Anti-depressants, man.. ha ha Feel like we really don't talk about that not-being-able-to-get-off part enough ha ha Sheesh! ha ha whewww anyways ha ha where were we? Ah, squirting! Is it real?
According to PubMed.gov AKA The National Library of Medicine:
Conclusions: The present data based on ultrasonographic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses indicate that squirting is essentially the involuntary emission of urine during sexual activity, although a marginal contribution of prostatic secretions to the emitted fluid often exists.
So going off this one random study from 5 years ago that I found online that I barely looked into (big J journo), it sounds like some people out there do piss really hard involuntarily when they get off, and mixed in with that piss is a little bit of a certain sexual Je ne sais quoi. If I were a betting lady though, when it comes to porn at least, I'd say 99% of the time they're faking the O & just blowing out their urethras for some on-camera razzle-dazzle. Then again, maybe I should just take them at their word:
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Circling back around to Radio Shack - it sounds like they're willing to help anyone squirt these days, especially since it appears their account went rogue in mid June…
According to Fortune:
The RadioShack most children of the ’80s remember is long gone, of course. The retailer filed for bankruptcy in 2015, then again in 2017. Its brick-and-mortar stores shut down long ago, but the well-known name was bought by entrepreneur investors Alex Mehr and Tai Lopez. Two months ago, the pair relaunched the brand online as a cryptocurrency swap, to supplement the tech offerings and branded retro apparel the company was previously selling.
So, if I'm understanding this all correctly, these guys Mehr & Lopez bought the entire brand & are just goofin' with it. And the Coffeezilla part is their way of trolling a guy who called them scammers:
The Radio Shack link on their Twitter bio still takes you to the original website, except now they only sell apparel & batteries, for uh, whatever you need them for. Is Radio Shack even real anymore? Was squirting ever really real at all? We may never know.
