Bengals DC Lou Anarumo Is Obnoxiously Overrated And Doesn't Deserve A Head Coaching Job So Shut Up About It Please Everyone

Matt Fitzgerald1/23/2023 9:10 PM

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This is the most overblown storyline going in the NFL right now. Everyone knows the Cincinnati Bengals are only playing in their second straight AFC Championship Game because Joe Burrow is a weapons merchant who'd be nothing without an elite receiving corps. Now people are out here trying to give Lou Anarumo and their DEFENSE credit?

Who's even on the Bengals' defense? Can NFL casuals name more than three players? Eli Apple can shut the hell up too. Come on man. Even Lou admits he's not a scientist.

It ain't rocket science. it's football. Talk about blowing things out of proportion and lionizing someone so undeserving.

I love that Zac Taylor is trying to gas up Big Lou, but really he just pities the man beneath him who's 17 years his senior. You see, Lou wasn't lucky enough to be a glorified intern in Sean McVay's general orbit like Taylor who was handed a head coaching job way too early. Of note here as well: Taylor's ridiculous rhetoric doubles as a designed distraction from the fact that this team's defense is secretly awful.

Listen, the run to the Super Bowl last year was a total fluke. We all know this. Patrick Mahomes had the Bengals on the ropes and it was 100% his own doing and choking that allowed Cincinnati back into that game. Anarumo just kept dropping guys in coverage, throwing the kitchen sink at Mahomes and was getting hopelessly outclassed by Andy Reid and the Chiefs' offensive staff for the entire first half.

I'm telling you, Lou Anarumo has no fucking idea what he's doing. You think that 27-10 romp over the Bills in Buffalo was due to his schematic brilliance?? TRY CREDITING THE PLAYERS WHO ACTUALLY PLAYED.

Josh Allen blew it, man. He airmailed Stefon Diggs on a potential would-be touchdown in the first quarter, and Gabe Davis let a rookie Cam Taylor-Britt punch the ball out of his hands on a downfield throw that could've changed the game later on. Bengals were soooooooo lucky to escape with a victory.

Lou Anarumo absolutely does not have a track record of locking elite quarterbacks the fuck up. I don't know what you're talking about.

What was Zac Taylor referring to, talking about these "adjustments" Lou makes? Peyton Manning told me those don't exist.

Ignore the part of that blog headline beginning with the conjunction.

Imagine skating by on the biggest myth in football as the defining characteristic of your entire coaching brand. "Second-Half Lou"…? I don't know him. What kind of nickname is that anyway? Pretty basic.

Stoolies, I had to put a qualifying "Bengals DC" to start the headline of this blog just so you knew who the hell I was talking about. Nobody knows who Lou Anarumo is. Nor should they. He's nothing special. Just another coordinator who's clawed his way near the top of the coaching ranks, only to be a complete and utter failure when trusted with the lead job.

Fiery leader of men? Not Lou.

Schematic savant? We've established this. Also not Lou. Numbers don't lie.

Some coaches don't got it. That special stuff it takes to command a locker room and build a winning culture and football program. I'm sorry. Anyone stumping for Lou Anarumo as a head coaching candidate doesn't have a single clue what they're talking about. Talk about a REACH of a hire.

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In all seriousness, SECOND-HALF LOU IS COMING FOR YOU AGAIN, KANSAS CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUCKLE UP.