The Bad Man Is Gone - Angel Hernandez Has Decided It's Time To Stop Terrorizing Us And Is Finally Retiring From Baseball

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I never thought I'd live to see the day Angel Hernandez would step away from the game of baseball. I was convinced he'd do this shit until his body turned ice cold and rigor mortis began to set in. Part of me believed the machines created Angel so that he could be so bad at his job that we'd have no choice but to push hard for robot umps, thus continuing the machine takeover of our civilization. At this point he knew how much everyone despised him, but had too much fun being the villain to stop. Well, it's been reported by non other than Bob Nightengale that tomorrow it'll be announced that Hernandez is retiring from the game. 

(Nightengale) Ángel Hernández, the polarizing veteran umpire who has drawn the wrath and exasperation from players, managers and fans alike over three decades, is retiring Tuesday from Major League Baseball, a high-ranking baseball official told USA TODAY Sports.

You hear that? That'd be all 30 teams across the land breathing a deep sigh of relief. This has gotta be what it felt like when Voldemort was finally vanquished. Tomorrow the sun will come up and there will be a peace in the world. He can't ruin our game anymore. 

An interesting wrinkle here is that MLB and Angel were negotiating a retirement settlement over the past few weeks. 

 MLB and Hernández had spent the past two weeks negotiating a financial settlement before reaching a resolution over the weekend.

You trying to tell me MLB finally came to their senses and forced the bad man out? After all the years of chaos and lawsuits, they actually got the hint and made it all stop? Are they gonna do a press conference tomorrow like America did when they captured Saddam Hussein and announce "we got him?"

I wonder if the infamous Wyatt Langford strikeout from earlier this year was the final straw. That one was special. 

But of course there were so many more. There's truly an endless amount of Angel fuck ups out there to keep track of. Seemingly every year someone would write a blog about how Angel broke his own record for missed calls in a game. For christ's sake he only worked ten games last year because of a bad back and managed to blow 161 calls. At the same time he was giving us nightmares, he was busy launching lawsuit after lawsuit, crying discrimination for not letting him officiate World Series games. Like I said, he was special. For decades there was no stopping him, thanks to the bullet proof umpire's union which left him untouchable. We were stuck dealing with this shit like the idiots that we are. He had us all hostage. 

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The players couldn't stand him either. Can't imagine how how good Schwarber had to feel letting this tirade rip on Sunday Night Baseball. 

CC at one point had enough and unleashed his thoughts to the media. Fines were worth it if it meant you were venting about Angel. 

This is gonna sound crazy, but I think part of me is gonna miss the bastard. Ump shows are part of what makes baseball special.They drive us insane, but it's part of the charm. Angel put on an ump show better than anyone. Did they deserve to have a job? You could argue less than anyone in history, but man was he good at ruining a baseball game. 

Hot seat? All the shitty umps who aren't Angel Hernandez. I'm talking C.B. Bucknor, Hunter Wendelstedt, Laz Diaz, and Ron Kulpa. Here's to less migraines and better calls. Goodbye sweet prince. 

P.S. Can't wait for Bob's report to be incredibly wrong and MLB actually gave Angel a contract extension instead