Microsoft/CrowdStrike Outage Leads To Global IT Meltdown, Which Has Caused All Sorts Of Chaos And Had American Airlines, Delta and United Ground All Flights

Jeenah Moon. Getty Images.

Really fun Friday morning we're having here as the world is experiencing the biggest IT outage in history. Why? Well, some intern probably pushed through a software update for CrowdStrike, a global cybersecurity firm, that ended up ruining travel, bank, and media across the globe. Classic. 

So what has actually been impacted? Maybe the better question, what hasn't. From what I gather Delta, American Airlines, and United had to ground all flights this morning. 

Here's a glimpse at our country's air traffic map and how all but just a few flights kept going. 

Airports across the planet suffered outages leading to a shit ton of cancellations and delays. If you had to fly today, god be with you. Banks are fucked as well. 9-1-1 call centers. Hospitals are experiencing all sorts of problems. Trains are down too as DC suspended all trains today. You're better off just staying inside and playing NCAA Football 25, although if you have XBOX Microsoft might be dicking you there too. 

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Media companies have been impacted. SportsCenter for example was unable to show graphics and b-roll. Sky News has also experienced problems. 

Somehow Barstoolsports.com is up and running. We struggle to gain any sort of consistent internet at this joint, but a global IT failure doesn't impact us? Something tells me we're not using the right software and this is just lucky. Tough break for Smitty. 

I'll say this. A cyber company named CrowdStrike being the culprit of the world's largest IT failure in history sounds about right. If they made a movie about this and listed a bunch of viable names for the company that did us in CrowdStrike and Skynet would be neck and neck. Also the fact that CrowdStrike is designed to protect against hackers and all that only to destroy us themselves from the inside is perfect. 

Tommy Smokes has staked his claim on the grid going down in the fall. He's watched hundreds of TikToks from all sorts of conspiracy theorists that have convinced him it's happening. We've lost him. Well, today gave us a preview of what that would look like and he's smiling from ear to ear as he looks at the 100 cases of water in his shoebox of an apartment. 

Now if the grid actually collapsed, we wouldn't have texting or internet either on top of all this. It's all terrifying to think about. The world would actually dive into total anarchy. Today some idiot botched the operations of a software update and it led to the planet's tech operations going ass over tit. That's really all it took. 

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We could choose to believe that or tip a cap to Jerry's guy who was on this in April. The timing of all this is…interesting. 

If the Chick-fil-A app doesn't work later I'll be in shambles. Porn as well, haven't given that a go yet. Stay safe out there. If you're an IT guy, see you on the other side.