Masturbating In Public Is At An All Time High In New York City Which Means Nature Is Healing

Toronto Sun - Aside from the usual crime rates typically associated with the Big Apple, there’s another act that is plaguing law enforcement …the number of people masturbating publicly has seen a significant rise, according to NYPD data obtained by the New York Post. There were 378 complaints filed from the start of 2024 up to June 30, up from 251 in the same period last year.

The stock market took a massive tumble, global tensions have primed an international powder keg of turmoil, the US men's 3x3 basketball team is atrocious - things are bleak. Experts are saying this could all signal the end of times … 

Market specialists have an unlimited amount of data points they can use to predict trends in the economy and what's going to happen on the world stage, but the most important data point the experts aren't looking at - New Yorkers masturbating in public has skyrocketed over 50%. 

What does this trend mean exactly? 

Everything is going to be fine! You heard it here first. You don't whip out your genitals it times of danger. Like a dog only showing you their belly when they feel safe. This trend shows that despite the trying times we are going through, the people living on top of each other in the busiest city in America still feel safe enough to whip it out and crank their hogs in public. Yeah, no one else in the vicinity of these crazy perverts feels safe, but this means ecosystem that is the concrete jungle is healing. 

To be completely honest, I'm amazed the numbers are that low, only 378 complaints in a city of 8 million?!? But, I feel like majority of people don't report these incidents. People see something and say nothing. People are too busy. I've lived in NYC  for 5 years, and it's amazing how you'll run into someone hulking their hogan on a street corner, or threatening your life while swinging a lead pipe, and you just forget about it almost instantly. If I was still living in Indiana and someone was pulling their pud outside my house, it's all we would talk about for years. We'd even probably mention it when people came from out of town to visit, yeah that's where some crazy dude was squeezing one out. 

So while economic experts are telling you that everything is going to shit, it doesn't take post nut clarity to understand that everything is going to be just fine.