The Best Of The Best The NHL Has To Offer This Movember
Movember, or No-Shave November or whatever else you want to call it, is a tradition like no other in which men all across this glorious nation put the razor away for a month in order to raise awareness to various types of cancer such as prostate, testicular and other issues that afflict men across the world like poor mental health issues. And since hockey players have some weird sort of affinity with beards, they’re always leading the charge on the mustache/facial hair front. So I was going to write a blog today about the Flyers 1-0 overtime loss to the Sharks but then I realize that literally nothing happened in that game aside from the goal that ended it in overtime. Top 5 most boring games of the season. The only thing that really kept my interest throughout the 60+ minutes was how glorious Brent Burns’ beard is. So instead of boring everyone to death with another miserable Flyers blog, here is the best that the NHL has to offer so far this Movember. (Links will be at the end to charities if anyone feels like donating to a great cause on this beautiful Friday)
Karl Alzner | Washington Capitals
Love to see Alzner really getting into the Movember spirit here with the blazer. As one of the goofiest looking sons of bitches in the league to begin with, that handlebar suits him well.
Cal Clutterbuck | New York Islanders | First Ballot HoF Mo
Cal Clutterbuck doesn’t fuck around when it comes to his mustache. And the Islanders moving to Brooklyn doesn’t suit anyone better than it does for Clutterbuck because the man looks about as hipster as they come. He may be a professional hockey player in 2015, but he looks like he was running rum and whisky during prohibition. 
Aaron Ekblad | Florida Panthers
Maybe not just a mustache per se, but this is a reminder that Aaron Ekblad is a 19-year-old man child who is more grizzly than you’ll ever be. Or at least more grizzly than I’ll ever be.
Jonathan Ericsson | Detroit Red Wings
The mo + goat combo is always a great look. Just great style all around here and it’s hard to look good while rocking CCM gear. Bauer or die.
Justin Faulk | Carolina Hurricanes
Shoutout to Justin Faulk who looks like he has to take the long way to the rink every day because he’s not allowed within 500 yards of a playground. He looks like he smells like cheese.
Johnny Gaudreau | Calgary Flames
Listen, Movember is easy for guys who can grow a ton of facial hair to begin with. But for guys like Johnny Hockey, it’s miserable. You have to get ridiculed day in and day out for a month straight because you completely skipped out on hitting puberty. Gotta at least show him some love here.
Radko Gudas | Philadelphia Flyers
I wouldn’t want to go into a corner against that guy either. Looks like he’s the type of guy who will make you play tummy sticks with him.
Henrik Lundqvist | New York Rangers
I mean, come on. It’s not fair to us regular guys that Hank is a real life human being. The man is perfect in every single way.
Scott Hartnell | Columbus Blue Jackets
Handlebar mustaches will always get my vote of approval. Don’t know whether Hartsy is warming up for a hockey game here or getting ready to build a custom motorcycle with his dad and brother and end up yelling at each other for 30 minutes about how they’re gonna run out of time and that the fenders don’t fit right but in the end they always get the bike done on time and everyone is happy with the final result.
Adam Henrique | New Jersey Devils
Something about Adam Henrique always makes me think that he’s this villainous character. Maybe it’s the name, I don’t really know. But that mustache sure as shit isn’t helping his case.
Loui Ericksson | Boston Bruins
First off, shoutout to Sweet Lou on his hat trick last night. I’m on record as to saying that I think Loui is one of the most devilishly handsome men in the league. But holy hell I cannot wait until November is over so he can get rid of that creeper stache.
Mark Stone and Curtis Lazar | Ottawa Senators
Like I said before, it’s easy for guys who can grow sweet beards to begin with. But for guys like Mark Stone and Curtis Lazar, well November is hell month for them.
Sidney Crosby | Pittsburgh Penguins
Death, taxes, Sidney Crosby sporting a horrifyingly creepy mustache.
Kyle Okposo | New York Islanders
Once again, the creep stache that makes Movember so special.
Riley Sheahan | Detroit Red Wings
Looks like the Red Wings just picked Riley Sheahan off the streets of Detroit and put him in a uniform.
Antoine Vermette | Arizona Coyotes
I mean, that’s just a solid stache all around. I’d keep that for the rest of the season if I were Antoine.
Cody McLeod | Colorado Avalanche
This isn’t from this season but I think it’s one of the finest photos in hockey history. Couldn’t leave it out.
We still have 10 more days left in Movember for guys to make their mark on the world so if I missed anyone, feel free to let me know about it on Twitter @BarstoolJordie. In the mean time, go check out the Movember Foundation to learn about some ways that you can donate to the cause.
UPDATE: Like I said, obviously a few golden staches were gonna fall through the cracks here. So send in the ones that I missed and I’ll get them up here.
Keith Yandlebar