My Definitive List of Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants
So our good pal Maurice over at Barstool Philly wrote perhaps the worst fast food power rankings known to man.
OFFICIAL FAST FOOD POWER RANKINGS (must have drive-thru to be considered “fast food”):
5. Church’s
4. Sonic
3. Burger King
2. Wendy’s
1. In-N-Out Burger
That list is a slap in the face to me, to you, and frankly, to god. Disrespectful is the best way to put it. So I present the real top 5 fast food places.
5.
Popeye’s obviously in any sane person’s top 5. It’s better than KFC, and about, I dunno, 1000x better than Church’s, which is the shit stain of fast food. Putting Church’s in the top 5 fast food is like putting BYU in your top 5 party schools.
4.
Leaving McDonalds off your list, OKAY, THAT MAKES SENSE. I am dumbfounded. Let’s leave Michael Jordan off the list of greatest basketball players while we’re at it. McDonalds isn’t my favorite, but have a tiny bit of respect for the godfather, would ya? Jesus, I feel so dirty even having to write this.
3.
When asked about chickfila, Mo said he “isn’t a bigot”, so I have to first state I am a supporter of the gays. Just because their owner hates the gays doesn’t mean their food isn’t fucking incredible. Chicken biscuits and spicy chicken biscuits all morning, chicken sandwiches all night. Fantastic condiments, best fast food milkshakes you can get, and motherfucking waffle fries for days. Bumped down to number 3 only because they are closed on Sundays, which is an abomination, I agree.
2.
True revolutionaries of the fast food game. You think you have them figured out, and they flip you on your head. And they make you take shits you didn’t even know existed. Ever wanted to be a scientist? Go on a taco bell run at 2am after a night of drinking and let me know what comes pouring out of you at 8. Absolutely nothing tastes better going in and burns harder coming out. You know how chicks say guys don’t understand the pain of childbirth..uhh yea we do.
1.
The best of the best. Bojangles. Best biscuits, best chicken, and breakfast all day. I’m not going to sit here and sing their praises, because they don’t need me to. They are bojangles for pete’s sake.
if you've never heard of bojangles, you can't rank fast food. @tallmaurice
— Nate (@BarstoolNate) November 18, 2013
You simply can’t publish a power rankings of fast food without even having heard of the top place. It’s unconstitutional.
Since I’m a man of the people, let’s just see what the people have to say about that.
@tallmaurice @barstoolnate had bojangles once in the charlotte airport on a 45 min layover. life changing experience.
— Pokey Berlander (@pokeyberlin) November 18, 2013
@BarstoolNate @tallmaurice breakfast all day, and Cajun fries #BoTime
— Hank Mardukas (@brent_hann_tho) November 18, 2013
@BarstoolNate @tallmaurice bojangles in union station here I cum
— TP (@treepubes) November 18, 2013
nothin wrong with that.
@tallmaurice @BarstoolNate Bojangles is incredible.
— AJJ (@AJegg) November 18, 2013
@BarstoolNate Nothin like a case of Bojangles for a road trip home @James_F_1 pic.twitter.com/ZJtgIjugqT
— A.J. (@TheRealAJD) November 18, 2013
@BarstoolNate @tallmaurice agreed. Bojangles is on another level.
— matt walsh (@mattyvincent44) November 18, 2013
So there you have it. Fast food power rankings done right. Hit the god damn music.