Canadian Olympian Tested Positive For Cocaine Because He Made Out With A Hooker

Shawn Barber tested positive for a trace amount of cocaine, which the court determined came from kissing the woman who, unbeknownst to him, had taken cocaine just before meeting him in a hotel room for their pre-arranged hookup.

The Canadian Centre of Ethics in Sport, which operates national anti-doping programs, proposed a four-year ban for Barber, since cocaine is a banned substance under the World Anti-Doping Code.

It wasn’t until Aug. 11 — just two days before his Olympic competition began — that the hearing decision cleared him to compete.

I knew this was coming. It was only a matter of time. I feel like I know the answer already, but let me go ahead and ask you.

Is “I tested positive for cocaine because I got the sweet nectar of the gods off of the lips and tongue of a hooker in a pre-Olympic sex romp” the new I got hacked? Feels like it is.

I don’t wanna jump the gun, but this story is a little too neat for me. Off the hooker’s butthole? Sure. I believe that. But a harmless kiss? I don’t think so, pal. You’re not gonna package up a story like this all nice and neat for me and I just accept it as face value. No way you ingest cocaine off a tongue. A butthole, yes. But not a tongue. Liars are despicable. Fuckin Canadians.