Star Wars: The Last Jedi Trailer Rapid Reaction
Since Robbie Fox Octagon Bob Rebellion Roberto is probably covered in his own bodily fluids (tears of joy and/or semen) after watching that trailer live with his fellow Star Wars superfans, I figured I would give a quick breakdown of the trailer before he blogs his entire journey of to watch a Star Wars panel live that everyone could watch on YouTube from the comfort of their own home/cubicle.
As for the trailer, here are some of my quick thoughts:
– WE’VE GOT FORCE MOVEMENT! If you didn’t try to move something around you using The Force after seeing this to open the trailer, you aren’t a real Star Wars fan. I tried to type this blog using The Force but unfortunately I am just as common as I’ve always been.
– As soon as the trailer started, I realized I was hoping for some sad, dark shit. Obviously I am #TeamGoodGuys for motherfucking liiiiife. But Empire is by far my favorite Star Wars movie and that shit gets rough for any fan of the Rebellion. So watching the First Order drag its nuts all over the forehead of the Resistance was oddly satisfying.
– Can’t wait to see the shit fit Kylo threw that led to this moment, that dad murdering motherfucker.
– Sup fuccboi!
(I can’t lie though, I am stoked to see Kylo Ren evolve from a whiny, temper tantrum having bitch to a real deal villain).
– I don’t know how I forgot that the Millennium Falcon would be in this movie, but just seeing it on screen gave me butterflies in my stomach. It’s one of my Top 10 favorite characters in the Star Wars universe.
– Getting a glimpse of Captain Phasma actually thriving was nice since she was such a massive disappointment in The Force Awakens. I imagine if the Resistance gets shit on this movie, she will be doing a bunch of the shitting (I suppose this analogy doesn’t work if you are a real freak in the sheets and enjoy getting shit on).
– No Snoke, no surprise. I think we won’t be getting his full story until the end of Episode 9.
– I know these aren’t podracers, but they gave me Prequels PTSD (PPTSD?) the moment I saw them.
– One thing I’m randomly hoping for is for some suped up AT-ATs. I feel like they were the big “Wow” moment of Empire back in the day, yet they never did as much damage as they could have or should have. Just like the Death Star evolved into a Death Planet in The Force Awakens, I’d love to see some super badass AT-ATs in what I imagine will be a First Order Strikes Back type of movie.
– We appear to have some lightsaber training going on, which means I appear to have a boner as I write this.
– What the fuck was that last line, Luke? You flipping on us and going Hollywood Hogan on the Jedi or some shit?
– An 18-year-old blogger’s name becoming a verb for cumming your pants after working at the company for less than a year is truly the Barstool Difference.
– They also released the poster for the movie, which, no surprise, is straight FIRE.
More reactions and info coming from Robbie when he gets back and towels himself off.
UPDATE: Robbie’s reaction to the trailer is about what I expected