Students Forced To Retake ACTs After FedEX Loses Box Of Tests

“On Valentine’s Day night around 10:30 (I got an email) that just said, ‘Sorry lost your test. We’ll give you your 50 dollars back,'” said Allatoona senior Carsyn Gambrell.

“I was really emotional about it for a long time. I was crying, I was just mad because how do you misplace a test?” she said.

Gambrell retook the test on Saturday, but told Jose she’s already missed the deadline for some scholarship applications.

There are not many days when I’m thankful for the fact that I went to school to become a preacher. Today is one of those days. Everybody else in high school stressed about the ACTs and SATs. Not me. I stressed about the Lord. People were studying English, math, science, and writing while I was knee deep in the Beatitudes.

Now the Beatitudes are, lest we forget, nine blessings recounted by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew. Each is a proverb-like proclamation, such as “blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted” and whathaveyou.

I bet those fuckers in Georgia could use a lil beatitudes in their life right now. They’re probably mourning. My fellow bible school pals aren’t, though. They are thanking their lucky stars (which is a sin) that they don’t have to re-take the ACTs on Spring Break.

It balances out though because the bible kids wont touch a tit until they’re 22. Win some. Lose some.